Peggy Hill has her own reason for being a fan of live music.

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Cleaning out the files

by Phil Houseal
Aug 26, 2009

This month I realized it is my fourth anniversary writing this Full House column. I started as a reluctant writer, not sure I could come up with something fresh every week. Well, after more than 200 columns, it finally happened.

This week, I got nothing.

But instead of leaving white space, I decided to publish bits of material I’ve collected in my research. These fell out of the file marked “Miscellaneous” - too short to make a column; too good to toss. Here they are, apropos of nothing.

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Musicians as commentators:
One thing I’ve noticed over the years is that each major music genre gets subdivided to ridiculous lengths as musicians hate to be pigeon-holed. Here is the most absurd example, actually told to me by a well-known harmonica player.

“Our show is a mix of the Chicago Blues, West Coast Jump Blues and the Texas Roadhouse Sound. Thrown in is a little rock beat and Memphis beat. You can dance or just listen.”

Huh?

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Musicians as know-it-alls:
I read a column by a musician about how the politicians have screwed up the country, the economy, the war, society, and culture. It amuses me how musicians, actors, and artists are so eager to criticize those in politics and business about how they are running things. Can you imagine if musicians ran the world? They can’t manage their own careers, girlfriends, finances, and various addictions. I can’t even get a musician to send me a promo photo with a 6 - week advance request.

Have any of you ever turned to a musician for advice on finance? Few even qualify for a credit card.

Politics? How many are even registered to vote?

Health? I've lost count of the number of benefits I've played for musicians who failed to carry basic health insurance.

Marriage? Only if quantity of spouses/girlfriends counts as experience.

Parenthood? Please! They can't raise the kids they know are their own.

If you want to learn how to form a G7 chord, call Willie Nelson. But don’t ask him to do your taxes.

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Musicians as toastmasters:
Musicians - bless our hearts - tend to consider clichés as clever banter. Here are the annoying gems I wish all bandleaders would refrain from using evermore.

“The more you drink, the better we sound.”

“We've had several requests, but we're going to keep playing anyway.” (or “the guitar won't fit”)

“He wanted to hear us play in the worst way, and that's how we played.”

And my favorite to hate:
“Here's a little tune, and it goes something like this...”

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Musicians as storytellers:
A 70-odd-year-old musician  was telling me stories in his wonderful German accent about playing in a small local band.
“You know, we played every year at an outdoor festival. Our piano player used an old electronic piano. It was out of tune, and you had to duct tape a microphone to it to amplify it. I allus told the old gal who played it ‘That creek ower there has a high bluff along it... I bet if we roll that keyboard ower there it would go right in.’”
He laughed. “She didn’t think that was too funny.”

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Musicians as Zen:
“We practiced two and a half hours the other day,” a member of a local band earnestly told me, smiling. “When we finished each song, we had to stop for several minutes, because the song was so good we had to savor it before starting the next one.”

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Musicians as the world really sees them:
From that great philosopher, Peggy Hill -
“We must have a band at the office picnic. Live entertainment is the only thing that distracts people from how much they don't like each other.”